i rebel

i’ve truly never felt lonelier my whole life… just so so so alone. and terribly lost and directionless. it really feels like everything is crumbling all around me and i’m completely helpless and unable to do anything about it except try to pick up each piece as it falls…

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

i need somewhere new, some people new, just for a little while, just to find myself and be free (from the past, from everything)… where i can stay and not have to check my clock, where i can be spontaneous and not constantly feel like i’m screwing up or just being pathetic, where i can feel like everything is going to be okay.

but right now i feel that maybe i’m not destined for all this. maybe this is how life is meant to be for me. maybe there’s too much darkness that even all the light i chase may never be enough to save me.

i feel like no matter what i do or who i be, it might just never be enough. will i ever be enough. will all this effort ever count for anything. is there really any way back from here?

should i let this hope go or should i just hold on.

i want to run. but where to. but who to.

i really want to run.

please help, somebody please.

all i wanted was to be good, to be positive, to be kind, to live with faith, to never lose hope and love everyone. and to culminate all that in being ever grateful, no matter what. those 7 words was all i ever wanted to be… is it too late. was it too much. can i ever be redeemed.



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